It's so weird!" another commented on my blog.īack in January, writer Eliel Cruz added a layer to this discussion by seeing how straight men responded to him on Tinder, after he switched his settings to "female." After stumbling upon him, some of these straight men seeking females actually got more sexual than he expected. "It happened to me once," a Twitter follower told me after I tweeted about my Benjamin incident last summer. If heterosexuality were truly so rigid, there wouldn't be so many straight guys having "gay" sex. I'm not the only gay guy on Tinder who's been propositioned by one of the app's straight users. "Who are we to say his entire life is a lie because he has the capacity to have sex with a man once?" Such logic dictates that the masculine drive to put a P in a V is so strong, it completely negates any semblance of same-sex attraction.
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"We want to believe that straight men are completely subject to their biological instincts and urges," Ward said. There are myriad reasons for this double standard, chief among them a culture that glorifies masculinity and demands that men be sturdy and inflexibly hetero. This argument is the crux of Ward's book, which is arriving at a time when sexual fluidity is enjoying something of a cultural moment, with female celebrities like Ruby Rose and Miley Cyrus coming out in favor of loosening (or straight-up ditching) sexual identity labels.īut somehow, while the idea of straight women dabbling in the vaginal arts seems totally valid, we can't seem to wrap our heads around the fact that straight men might have sex with each other. Who are we to say his entire life is a lie because he has the capacity to have sex with a man once?" He feels totally at home in straight culture. He knows there are gay and bisexual identities, but he has no interest in either of those. "That could be what's going on, or he could be a straight guy. that would be painting with too broad a brush," she told Mic over the phone last week. "To say that any man who switches his Tinder profile over to get head from a guy is just covering up his gayness. These are complicated questions. While many of us may be quick to label men like Benjamin as something other than straight, Jane Ward, Not Gay's author and a gender and sexuality studies professor at the University of California, Riverside, argues that heterosexuality is a label that could very well include homosexual contact. What if Benjamin and the other "closeted" guys I'd been with weren't closeted at all? What if not all men who hook up with other men are gay or bisexual? Just come the fuck out already, I'd always think.īut lately, thanks to a flurry of coverage surrounding a controversial new book titled Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, I've been questioning my initial assumptions. I'd been there, done that (and them) and always ended up resenting them for enjoying the pleasures of gay sex while not owning up to the rest of the gay package. I had already learned by then to avoid getting with closeted guys. He said he'd consider it. A few messages later, he proposed a dick pic exchange.Īs fun as it was to flirt with Benjamin, I wasn't seriously considering hooking up with him. I jokingly told him I'd only S his D if he'd reciprocate. The fact that Benjamin started inquiring about blowjobs so quickly after declaring his absolute straightness was a little jarring, but I went with it anyway.
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Our match was probably just a result of his "aggressive" swiping tendencies, he added.
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He dropped the charming line just five minutes after explaining to me that "oops," he wasn't gay, the app must have fucked up and popped me, a male, into his feed by accident. This was the question Benjamin* asked me when I matched with him last summer on Tinder.